Comedy Short Stories

The Door In The Basement

          The time had finally shown its ugly head when I had to get off my lazy duff and get to the remodeling list my wife had put together. I had taken the week off from work, the kids were in school and my wife was busy at her employer. My list was extensive to include painting the fence, tiling over the sink, crown molding in the family room and cleaning out the basement. The plans were set and the first morning was upon me to begin.

          As I looked through the list, most of the items required supplies that would necessitate a visit to the local hardware store. Using that logic I gravitated to cleaning out the basement and the physical activity would do me some good as the midsection was expanding. As I headed down the stairs with a cup of coffee I realized that a large can of spider killer would be needed. To my surprise there was a can sitting on the bottom step awaiting my arrival. I slipped the can into one of the pockets in my shorts and flipped on every light. The illumination displayed a monstrous task ahead of me.

           I soon found my old pair of working gloves and with a long application of the spider spray I was in business. Old furniture creaked as it moved across the floor with extreme effort and a few choice words. The pile of discard was increasing near the foot of the stairs and I knew that the trash man would love me for it. I soon realized that several hours had passed and a glass of water was in order. As I turned to head upstairs, I noticed my reflection on the wall. My interest was grabbed and I moved a handful of old waterlogged boxes out of the way. After a few moments I revealed a full length mirror attached to the wall which was at the front of the house.

           It was a mirror that I had never noticed before, but when we bought the house there were many boxes and other useless debris. My reflection was normal and seemed to find my big midsection while I meandered in front of it. That is when I noticed the mirror was hinged and moments later it swung free revealing a door. It was just like being in a B rated horror film as I sprayed down the door with my handy spider repellent. I let the cloud subside and lunged for the handle. To my surprise the door opened easily but with a long creek that went up my spine. When the door opened I looked inside and my jaw dropped.

          I moved into the doorway to get a better view and I found myself in an open pasture filled with dinosaurs. I didn't immediately comprehend what I was looking at and moved further into the room or field as I would now call it. Down the hill I descended and found myself in front of a tar pond where multiple dinosaurs were relaxing. There were many smaller creatures running around carrying huge towels, brushes and what looked like a large razor. As I stood staring, one of the dinosaurs in the tar pond looked my direction and said in a thick British accent, "Could you please give me a bit of privacy?" I could tell my cheeks were turning red and replied. "I didn't mean to spy on you or anyone else as I am a bit shocked that there are dinosaurs in my basement that speak in a British accent." A booming laughter came from the tar encrusted dinosaur before it spoke. "You had the same reaction that Mr. Smith had when she first found the door. How is she by the way?" I didn't initially recall her name as we had bought the house from her estate. "I am sorry to say that she passed several years ago." The dinosaur looked surprised and responded, "That is a shame as we really enjoyed her chocolate chip cookies." An awkward moment of silence and the dinosaur spoke again. "Are you planning to stay for a while?" I responded, "I cannot stay now as I have to finish the basement, but I will visit again tomorrow with cookies."