Comedy Short Stories

2012 Thought of the Week

January 1st to January 7th -- If a penny mated with another penny three times, would they have a three cent piece?

January 8th to January 14th -- The fast food said 'weeeeeeeee' all the way down into my belly.

January 15th to January 21st -- The e string on my guitar was mad at the others for being out of tune.

January 22nd to January 28th -- My thumb drive got promoted to a middle finger!

January 29th to February 4th -- My megabit ate my gigabit and life is sad now.

February 5th to February 11th -- Does a light bulb take one last breath before it burns out?

February 12th to February 18th -- Could a progressive Dove get a divorce from their life mate?

February 19th to February 25th -- Is rust just acne on a robot?

February 26th to March 3rd -- A three way bulb is the sexiest of all in the light bulb community!

March 4th to March 10th -- If you hugged a tree twenty years ago, they would have put you in the crazy house.

March 11th to March 17th -- Do you think cows get in competitions on who can fart the best without breaking a smile?

March 18th to March 24th -- If a cow steps in one of the heard's poop, do they curse as they wipe off their hoofs?

March 25th to March 31st -- I think that fire hydrants have a fetish for dogs peeing on them!

April 1st to April 7th -- I fell asleep the other day at work and dreamed about doing my job.

April 8th to April 14th -- How do tree's pee?

April 15th to April 21st -- If a woman has fingernails that are too long, do they get someone else to pick their nose?

April 22nd to April 28th -- Do you think if a mirror could speak would it say, "You Look Fine Already!"

April 29th to May 5th -- Does a 3.5 inch floppy disk have disk-envy with the 8 inch floppy's?

May 6th to May 12th -- I think aliens do abductions so they have someone to watch B films with.

May 13th to May 19th -- All of my hair on my cranium jumped ship.

May 20th to May 26th -- Does a doll sitting on a shelf have a sore ass?

May 27th to June 2nd -- You ever braid your ear hair?

June 3rd to May 9th -- Do snow flakes visit the tropics for summer vacation?

June 10th to June 16th -- Do the blow holes on a whale ever get chafed?

June 17th to June 23th -- I just got done with my therapy group that helps me cope without huffing house air fresheners.

June 24th to June 30th -- If bacon were only available on the moon, we would still be using the Space Shuttles. The only difference would be that pig farmers would be doing the driving.

July 1st to July 7th -- When a firework explodes and completes its life work, is it the same as a human creating the perfect fart?

July 8th to July 14th -- Does the lady with the longest fingernails in the world have problems picking the treats out of her nose?

July 15th to July 21st -- I often wonder what bothers a fly?

July 22nd to July 28th -- I was dreaming so hard the other night, that in my dream I was dreaming of taking a big poop.

July 29th to August 4th -- Do headphones get tired of looking and touching ugly ears?

August 5th to August 11th -- Is it possible to beat yourself sense-full?

August 12th to August 18th -- Do crackers use showers or baths to stay clean?

August 19th to August 25th -- Do you think dogs dream about walking humans?

August 26th to September 1st -- My feet were so tired that they popped off and snugged into my shoes for the night.

September 2nd to September 8th -- Coffee beans have a crappy life as they are picked, dried, ground and then consumed by some big fat guy after desert.

September 9th to September 15th -- It was the year 2025 and the debit card police tracked me down and put me in lockup because I abused my debit card by shredding it!

September 16th to September 22nd -- My laptop CPU has a beef with the video processor and has been producing psychedelic screen displays this week.

September 23rd to September 29th -- I once went the speed of light and pooped my pants.

September 30th to October 6th -- The dog and I went out for a walk and we had a contest on who could pee on the most mailboxes.

October 7th to October 13th -- Why does everyone bully dirt?

October 14th to October 20th -- I just got done watching a Horror Film and the hairs in my nostrils were standing up it was so frightening.

October 21st to October 27th -- I had a stare down with my cat last night and after he won, I had to make him a sandwich.

October 28th to November 3rd -- Frankenstein had a Halloween party every year and the highlight was when he challenged all to arm wrestling contests!

November 4th to November 10th -- My cable box remote has revolted on me. When I hit the volume up my ears shrink, when I rewind my hair pulls back into my scalp and when I channel surf I get low level shocks in my fingers. Then my wife told me she replaced my remote with a specially designed unit she created to punish me as I never let her have the remote.

November 11th to November 17th -- Do you think that hairs mind if they have split ends?

November 18th to November 24th -- Bad teeth get drilled and filled as punishment.

November 25th to December 1st -- Do you think that the smell of bacon cooking would make a pig drool?

December 2nd to December 8th -- Cow + Chicken + Pig + Grain = Bacon, Egg and Cheese biscuit.

December 9th to December 15th -- My glasses played a trick on me by now working near or far.

December 16th to December 22nd -- I wonder who's foot could fit in a Christmas Stocking?

December 23th to December 29th -- I got into a fight last night with the wooden NutCracker and he kicked my ass.