Comedy Short Stories

Gone But Not Forgotten


          Gonorrhea is something that not everyone likes to talk about. This overly transmitted sexual disease will cause the user some extra time at the local doctor. The receiver will have some itching and scratching and possible rotting of appendages. As disgusting of a disease as Gonorrhea is, people still find ways to contract it. The frequent users of Gonorrhea have given it the nickname of Gon. I know that the nickname is much like gone, but they will not have that pleasure any time soon.

          The problem with Gonorrhea is that people don't understand it. The receivers go though agony and chastise the disease. The Doctors look and it and say, "What have you been screwing?" The patients can only shrug their heads and say, "Damn Gonorrhea!" This is an interesting statement from someone that doesn't have a clue where Gonorrhea comes from. I pose the question to you, the reader, that we investigate Gonorrhea in further detail so we can make a final judgment.

          The early years of Gonorrhea are much like a baby in the womb. We don't normally think of Gonorrhea as life, but it does have a right to be recognized as such. I can just picture this little seed nestled in its warm spot for its short gestation period. Once the Gonorrhea emerges from its early life nap, it feels big enough to tackle the task of conquering new frontiers. These adventures in exploration soon end and frustration soon engulfs its mind. It thinks of suicide and damn near reaches its limit when a ship signals it arrival to the port. Snapping out of its daze, it gets dressed up in the finest tailored suit around. It rushes to the port and listens intently to the docking ship. A booming voice from the ship fills its tiny ears, "I cannot get it up and sorry about the stain on your shirt."

          The disease is disappointed as the ship was only docked in port for a few moments and then departed rapidly. He hopes and prays that the ship will be back soon. As he loiters around the dock area, his attention is quickly diverted to a new ship docking. As his eyes adjust to the ship it realizes that it's the same ship. The sound of the walkway hitting the wooden dock is a promising sign as he gets his best formal tux on. His mind races with all of the standard questions. "Do you take any antibiotics? Do you have a jungle or are you barren like a desert? Does another strain live here?" A smile crosses his face from the sounds of a high pitched squeak from his white shoes. Arriving at the dock a look of disgust comes across his face and can only say, "Damn rubbers!"

          Many days and nights pass and depression overcomes his mind as he feels that visiting other lands are impossible to ascertain. Late one evening he hears that sounds of a ship entering the dock. Springing to attention and quickly getting dressed, he makes his way to the dock to see a sleek vessel that flows through the water with ease. When the boat docks, he jumps aboard and soon realizes something is wrong. The ship is plastic with a glossy finish. The disease dips his head in defeat he speaks, "Damn dildo." With his head low and dragging his appendages, he makes his way home. The booming vibrations from the dildo help numb the pain of disappointment. As he turns the corner his teeth stop shaking and vibrating, which stops him in his tracks. Turning to the vessel he sees a new opportunity and jumps aboard the ship. He waves goodbye and off he heads to new lands.

          The Gonorrhea strand settles down in its luxury high rise condo. All of his needs are met and has no intention to depart this wonderful place. There are many port visits and after many months, he decides to visit the front of the ship for a better view. It sees another port for the taking but there is something strange about it. The disease disregards the oddities of the port and once docked it jumps out to claim the new land. Gonorrhea soon realizes this is not a port but rather a sewage exit. Completely disgusted he realizes that the ship was bisexual. Gonorrhea falls sobbing to the ground and says, "Damn asshole!"