Comedy Short Stories

How to Make a Mill

           Well, I was thinking to myself that making a million dollars would be really cool. I realize that thinking something and obtaining the goal are quite different. This intriguing quest of obtaining a monetary dollar figure was enticing and made me think through possible scenarios. I had some great ideas and figured I would write them down and walk through the logistics of each.

           The first idea that came to mind was to get a bunch of lottery tickets. I soon found out that the odds of winning were quite lopsided towards the lottery. This was quite disheartening as I spent several hundred dollars and missed work due to staying up late watching the drawings. Truth be told, I had signed my name to the tickets hours before the drawing and after a month of disappointment, gave up on this million dollar idea.

           The second idea that came to mind was to inherit a bunch of money from a rich relative. The more I dug into this idea I realized that there were no relatives that had this kind of cash and they were healthy. I took this idea and put it on the shelf as not being my million dollar idea.

           I had a third idea that came to my brilliant mind and that was steal the money. In order to get in the range I was looking for it meant holding up a bank. As I mulled this idea around there was a need for two others to help. This made me think that we would have to pull in three times the amount as the other two would want an equal cut. This now meant a larger chain bank would be the target. I visualized the event in my mind and as it unfolded, something occurred to me. The likelihood that a bank hold-up would work was highly unlikely and being arrested was a certainty. Once arrested, the steps were simple: Trial, Prosecution from the state, Incarceration and eventual prison rape. This last step was so unappealing that I destroyed this idea from the million dollar jar.

           A fourth idea was an odd one but worth mentioning. I could hold a telethon for myself to raise the money. There were several challenges with this idea. I wasn't sure that anyone would send money to me just because I wanted some cash. Another problem was getting media coverage and since I couldn't fake any life-threating diseases, I put this idea in the fire.

           The last idea was the most brilliant of all and I had the tool to distribute it. I would use my wildly popular website to distribute a donate button. This was brilliant as people eager to enjoy fresh comedy short stories would donate heartily. After several months of patient waiting, the donate coffer is lite and I am off to work to make some cash. The moral to my story is that there is no legal quick way to make a million bucks.