Comedy Short Stories

The Anointed One's (South Field)

          The bright orb in the sky provided the warmth across the field and through the clear protective barrier to my luxurious shelter. My large face soaked in the bright orbs light as I lie in the comfortable confines thinking about the evening's chores. It was only one bright orb rising before when the bipeds had to fix the freezing mechanism in our shelter so that the heat wouldn't disturb us. I don't like to get overheated as it made my chores all that more difficult to complete. It's bad enough that I have to venture out of the shelter into the great silver box near the wooden border to complete my chore. My mother reminds me that I mustn't complain so much as the Elders speak of a time before our luxurious shelters when we had nothing. The Elder stories keep me humble and proud to be a Holstein.

          The white face time arrives and we make our way to the great silver box where our lengthy chores will be completed. It is good to get some fresh air as we make our way up the silver hill and into our small borders where the bipeds attach very chilly snakelike connectors to our bellies. The initial attachment is the most unpleasant as it burns our bellies until the white substance begins to flow. The white substance is what the bipeds are seeking and they never seem to tire pulling it from us. The Elders refer to the white substance as the giver of life and I can only hope that the bipeds are collecting it for the same reason. The removal process lasts long enough for the white face to be high in the sky. When we leave the great silver box the cool air bombards my face as we make our way to the luxurious shelter to eat and begin dream time.

          I can hear the other Holstein's in the shelter complaining about their chores and wishing that they didn't have to complete them every bright orb rise and fall. This was the attitude from the Holstein's that reached a certain number of frozen ice times. I had not gotten to this place as my chores still made me feel proud to provide the gift to the bipeds. My mother had told me to always look forward to the chores and be happy that we didn't have to spend the white face time on the grounds like the other fields. I kept these thoughts with me as if they were passed down from the Elders themselves.

          I was happy to provide my gift every bright orb rise and fall but I often thought about the other fields and knew little about them. My desire to gain this wisdom drove me to ask my mother about the subject. When I asked her to tell me more about the other fields, she told me I would have to wait until the next white face time as she was tired and desired dream time. I lied down next to her and closed my eyes so that I could also have dream time.

          I was excited to find out more about the other fields and we soon departed the great silver box for our luxurious shelters. When we got to the luxurious shelters we meandered to a comfortable corner and I listened with great intent. She cleared her throat and began. "As you now there are three other fields that have different inhabitants that the bipeds care for." She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts and started again. "To he North are the Cattle and they are known as the Noble Ones. The Elders speak of their bravery as when they reach adulthood they are taken away on fences with wheels. This is their destiny in life to leave and never be seen again. Unfortunately this is all that we know about them as they keep to themselves." She gets up and meanders out of the room for a drink out of the shiny box as the far end of the shelter. I sit patiently as my mother makes her way back and assumes her spot next to me. "The Borden's are in the field to our East and they are a strange bunch as they produce a dark substance that the bipeds like just as much as our white substance. The Elders say that they produce this dark substance because they eat their holy beans that is called the coocoo which resides in their fields. The Borden's used to be part of our field until they started consuming the coocoo and contaminating their white substance. This is when the Elders banished them from our field and the bipeds built the border which separates us today. This exile from our field led them to extreme views and to consume the coocoo at an unchallenged rate. It is because of these reasons that we don't speak or get involved with them and they do the same with us."

          "The last field is to our West and that is where the evil Bessie's live. The Elders say that they attack anyone from other fields, themselves and even the bipeds. They are said to be related to the Cattle and are also carted away on the fence with wheels by the bipeds. I had the misfortune as a young Holstein to meander too close to the border and was ambushed by a pair of Bessie's. The larger Bessie bounded the border and started pushing me towards the wooden barrier where the smaller Bessie was waiting to kill me. As I was pushed violently into the wooden barrier, I could hear the biped's voices loud with anger. They rushed to my aid and pulled the large Bessie from me and led it away while the smaller of the two stared at me with great intent. I was saved but given this scar across my face as a reminder of what could happen from those evil beasts." Huge tears started to build in her eyes and she stopped talking. I knew that the story was over and I wished her a pleasant dream time.

          The bright orb was in the sky when my eyes opened and I wondered where everyone had gone. After a few moments I realized that I was late for the chore and quickly made my way to the great silver box. The bipeds attached the snakelike connector to my belly and after the pain subsided I thought about my mother's stories one bright orb prior. I wondered what it would be like to talk with another field and see how how they lived their lives. From my mother's warning and vicious looking scar, the Bessie's would definitely be out. The Cattle seemed to be a proud field but I wasn't sure that they would have anything in common with the Holstein's. That left the Borden's and since they used to be part of our field they would have the most in common. I had made my decision and the next step was to locate the best part of the border to make contact.

          Over the next several white face times I was able to locate the spot where I would make contact. I had changed my mind about my decision many times but realized I had to be courageous and make contact. I would meander to the wooden border after the chore was complete and the white face was high in the sky.

          The chore was complete and my stomachs were in my throat as we departed the great silver box and down the silver hill. I purposely waited for the other Holstein's to meander towards our luxurious shelters and was soon alone. I stood there for a few moments until I was sure that they didn't see me. I meandered towards the border and soon found myself close to my goal. I could see the border and the high field grass that surrounded it. I crept closer and lay in the field waiting for a sign of movement.

          The movement from the other field reached my ears as I was just falling into dream time. My eyes opened quickly and they adjusted to the white face time. I scanned the border and then saw something moving and my excitement grew. I slowly got up and meandered to the boarder hoping to get a better view of the field and its inhabitants. I was standing next to the border when the figure emerged out of the dark and moved very close to me. I was about to speak when it dawned on me that the Borden was not coming to talk but gathering field grass. I looked perplexed at the Borden as I wasn't sure why it was collecting the field grass when it noticed me standing there. The Borden stopped and looked back at me. We both stood quietly staring at each other and there was an awkward silence.

          The silence was broken by the Borden by what I assumed was talking but couldn't understand any of it. The Borden soon stopped and looked at me for an answer. I thought for a few moments and responded. "Hello there Borden field. I am here to say hello and wish you well from the Holstein's field." The words made their way to the Borden but like me there was no comprehension. This was awkward and I wasn't sure how to communicate with it. It was not long after that the Borden spoke again but I still couldn't make out any of the words. In frustration of the moment I said. "Do you speak Holstein? I don't understand you. What language are you speaking?" These words also seemed to fall short as the Borden didn't respond. We stood looking at each other for some time and the Borden suddenly turned and departed the border. I was disappointed that we couldn't communicate but at least I had made the effort. It was time for me to head back to the luxurious shelter as my mother was surely getting worried.

          I woke from dream time to see the bright orb was nearly high enough for the completion of the chore. As I got to my hoofs I noticed another Holstein looking intently at me. It was my mother and she didn't look happy. I figured that she knew I had gone to the wooden border last white face time and she spoke almost immediately. "Why did you go to the Borden's fence last night? Did you find a Borden and talk with them?" I shook my head and said. "I found a Borden but when I spoke they couldn't understand me. It was almost like we spoke different languages." My mother looked deep into my eyes for some time and responded. "When the Borden's left our field they were so upset by being banished that they created their own language. I would guess that the Borden you tried to communicate with last white face time only knew their new language. I suspect that only their Elders would know the former language." She paused for another moment and asked again. "Why did you want to talk to the Borden's?" I must have had a pitiful look on my face as her next question came with less anger in her voice. "I know that you're only curious but there are rules that we must follow in order to survive as a field. I want you to promise me that you will never go to any border again or make contact with any other field." I turned from my mother and reluctantly agreed as I couldn't see any other way to appease her. She seemed satisfied and spoke. "I want you to focus all this extra energy you have been using on investigation and dedicate it to your chores." With that she turned and left me standing there. The bright orb was sinking in the sky and the white face time was nearing. I would complete my chore the same way it had been done for many frozen ice times before. I could now understand why the other Holstein's were so unhappy. their future only held luxurious shelters from the bipeds in exchange for the gift of the white substance.