Comedy Short Stories

A Flying Rug


          The breeze was brisk as it flowed over the hills and though the wide open field. The sun shined down upon the open pasture as the wind moved the blades of grass in unison. This visual pleasantry was only broken by something sliding through the air high in the sky. As it hovered closer it appeared to be a hairy bird unlike anything anyone had seen. The thing continued to move closer and its features became more disturbing as there were no eyes, nose or mouth. Was it possible that this thing was an un-cataloged creature or had nature recently created it? The truth was that this creature had been around for millions of years when nature created it with the dinosaurs.

           Millions of years ago this open pasture was teaming with many varieties of dinosaurs that lived in the air and upon the earth. Our mysterious creature was one that took flight but not for fear of the dwellers on the ground. It preferred the sky as it liked the feeling of the wind as it coursed through its hairy wings. This creature liked to complement the dinosaurs by providing a service for them. The T-Rex's would use it to give more depth to their faces in the form of a mustache. The pterodactyls would capture them and place them on their chins in an effort to look even cooler. The velociraptor's would use them as extensions on their eyebrows which game them a much more ominous look. The stegosaurus would coax several of them to cover its spiky tail as they were self-conscience of its appearance. The other dinosaurs used them to cover their boney heads in an effort to thwart off the cool nights. The woolly mammoths were especially important to the hairy birds as they used them to nest for the night. The hairy birds had a sense of when the bright orb would rise above the hills which alerted them that they needed to depart. Many of the other dinosaurs found the departure of the hairy birds from their hosts as impressive as the rising of the bright orb.

          This coexistence between the hairy birds and the dinosaurs went splendidly for quite a long time. There were many wonderful mating seasons enhanced with the addition of their hairy flying friends. This bliss was not to last forever and soon came to an end. The end was marked by the first appearance in the valley by the Neanderthals. At first the hairy birds were curious of the new inhabitants and didn't heed the warnings of their friends the dinosaurs. The hairy birds didn't fear them and found them fascinating as they walked on two legs instead of four. They figured that their skills could be used just as much on the Neanderthals as they had with the dinosaurs. This lack of fear led the hairy birds to approach a group of Neanderthals which invoked a response from the largest of them. The Neanderthal swung his heavy blunt object and crushed the hairy bird into the ground killing it. The Neanderthals were quite pleased with what they had done and celebrated their triumph by trying to consume the hairy bird. This proved to be more challenging than they originally anticipated and were soon spitting out mouthfuls of hair. The Neanderthals had quickly figured out that the hairy birds didn't have any meat to consume. It must have been the disappointment in the lack of life sustaining meat that led them to kill the hairy birds for sport. It was a sad time for the hairy birds as the Neanderthals extinguished a great number of their population.

           Many seasons passed and the Neanderthals thinned out the numbers of the hairy birds as well as the dinosaurs. During these seasons the brain capacities of the Neanderthals increased and they began to evolve and eventually develop relationships. The male's started to figure out that being nice to women and not clubbing them on the head produced better results. This little nugget began the building blocks of what we know as courtship. The women of the tribe sprang at this opportunity to better control the males. They began the first female physiological mind warfare that led them to be more selective of their mates appearance. The men fell for this trap as they had undeveloped cognitive regions in their brains. The problem for the males of the tribe was that appearance fell below defending the tribe from dinosaur attacks and bringing home dinner every night. This dilemma for the males turned out to be the perfect opportunity for the innovative Neanderthal or first entrepreneur. He was able to develop a line of products to help out with the busy Neanderthal male.

           It was during the Neanderthal entrepreneur's development of these products that he found himself sitting near the communal bathroom which they referred to as the poop area. As he peered over the field he noticed something gliding through the air and his first reaction was to run and get his blunt weapon to kill it. Then his slightly more developed brain fired and superseded the thought of violence with that of watching the creature fly. It was at this moment that the creature descended and landed upon a bony head of a dinosaur. The Neanderthal entrepreneur tilted his overly sized cranium to the left and then to the right as he pondered this sight. He thought that either the dinosaurs head was cold or it was a way to make the dinosaur look nicer. That is when the stone tablet in his head smacked his face and the lucrative idea hit him. He would kill the flying creatures and sell them as hairy pieces to put on the Neanderthal's head. This look would surely give the appearance of superiority and a flattering look. His Neanderthal entrepreneur's mind went into the world's first marketing mode and knew that he needed a catchy name. The prehistoric neurons fired and the name struck him, hair piece.