2011 Thought Of The Week

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2011 Thought of the Week

January 2nd to January 8th -- If a dog had a nose on his butt would he stop chasing his tail?

January 9th to January 15th -- If a hippo and a cricket could mate what would it look like?

January 16th to January 22nd -- If paper had a voice would it scream in pain when cut with scissors?

January 23rd to January 29th -- What happens if a group of pixels in a TV don't want to cooperate with the rest?

January 30th to February 5th -- I had so much sunshine today I pooped a rainbow.

February 6th to February 12th -- Do you think ceiling fans get tired of spinning while holding on for their lives?

February 14th to February 19th -- I think roses are terrified of Valentine's Day!

February 20th to February 26th -- The new dog was in the thinking chair earlier contemplating the perils of what toy to play with next.

February 27th to March 5th -- The hair piece flew free through the fields of Europe before it was captured and forced to enhance a bald mans head.

March 6th to March 12th -- The Egyptians would compete to see who could build the best pee pyramid.

March 13th to March 19th -- Would quicksand do well on Jeopardy?

March 20th to March 26th -- Are there salt-water slugs?

March 27th to April 2nd -- Are tacks afraid of cork boards?

April 3rd to April 9th -- The cactus pricked itself.

April 10th to April 16th -- The mosquito had anemia and took supplements.

April 17th to April 23rd -- The XHTML ate the HTML code and had a midnight snack with xml.

April 24th to April 30th -- The thunderstorms rolled through pissing all the way.

May 1st to May 7th -- You ever try to poop for an hour, blow snot out your nose and have no results?

May 8th to May 14th -- Do you think binary numbers ever espire to be a 2?

May 15th to May 21st -- Have you ever wondered if librarians yell at their families when they get home?

May 22nd to May 28th -- Have you ever gotten a paper cut from licking a stamp?

May 29th to June 4th -- You ever have to pee like a Russian race horse?

June 5th to June 11th -- If I were to eat bacon for a year would I develop swine symptoms?

June 12th to June 18th -- All my hair got tired and fell out.

June 19th to June 25th -- Do fingernails silently scream when cut?

June 26th to July 2nd -- Do lamps show off their shades to one another?

June 3rd to July 9th -- Only the crazy fireworks will allow themselves to be blown up on Holidays.

July 10th to July 16th -- What happens to the used urinal cup holders?

July 17th to July 23rd -- When will we have reality TV in 3D?

July 24th to July 30th -- What does dry paint think about watching wet paint dry?

July 31th to August 6th -- Do you think a soccer ball would really like to kick someone?

August 7th to August 13th -- What do diamonds espire to be?

August 14th to August 20th -- I think that copiers are sick of producing human butt pictures.

August 21st to August 27th -- Glass cups love to see plastic cups melt in the microwave.

August 28th to September 3rd -- It would suck to be a toilet bowl seat.

September 4th to September 10th -- I will be taking my portable air-conditioning unit to Hell.

September 11th to September 17th -- I saw a carrot kick a rabbit's ass today.

September 18th to September 24th -- Penguins are secretly running the world.

September 25th to October 1st -- I would love to see a microwave arm wrestle a dual range stove.

October 2nd to October 8th -- I wonder if there are any sharks that are allergic to salt water?

October 9th to October 15th -- One six pack said to the other six pack, "Let's get together and make a 12 pack!"

October 16th to October 22nd -- I was surprised to see that BigFoot really has tiny feet.

October 23rd to October 29th -- What would you get if a polar bear mated with a sea lion?

October 30th to November 5th -- Can a glass blower also be a plastic blower?

November 6th to November 12th -- I dressed up for Halloween as a woman caught in a man's body.

November 13th to November 19th -- Do ghosts use a ghost toilet and if so, what do they poop?

November 20th to November 26th -- If ants had wings and flew, would uncles use gliders to fly?

November 27th to December 3rd -- I crossed two Virtual Private Networks and was able to clearly see Uranus.

December 4th to December 10th -- My universal remote simply refused to work with turning my aquarium pump on and off.

December 11th to December 17th -- The tooth fairy has an obsession with chocolate cookies.

December 18th to December 24th -- There is nothing like chopping down a Christmas Tree and putting it in your house to watch it slowly die!

December 25th to December 31st -- Santa secretly gives gifts to naughty kids in the form of flaming reindeer poop bags.


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All Rights Reserved 

By Jay W. Colvin