That Damned Movie Packaging

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That Damned Movie Packaging

          My wife had asked me to purchase a new movie that had just come out on video. This movie was a big blockbuster at the theater and I figured it would be good to have in our collection. The day at work had been stressful as normal and a movie tonight, Friday, would surely start the weekend off well. As I got into my car and departed the parking deck I knew there was a department store that had the movie ready for my purchase. As I sped down the highway to the department store my phone rang and it was my wife checking in. I knew good and well that the only reason she called was to see if I would pick up the movie we had discussed that morning. I assured her that I would pick it up on the way home for that evenings viewing. I was to also pick up some items to go with the movie like popcorn and snacks. She was satisfied with my enthusiasm and eagerness to watch the newly released movie and we said goodbye.

          I soon found my way to the department store and upon locating a cart found the popcorn, snacks, big budget movie and other miscellaneous impulse buys. As I waited in the long checkout lines I read through some of the outstanding magazines that dwelled for shoppers to purchase. There were several of the lessor magazines which my wife called 'trashy magazines' that presented titles that were hard to pass up. The first title was just plain odd. "Dalmatians Lose Spots in fire and Firemen are responsible." I grabbed the magazine and flipped to the headline story and read a bit more. In a nutshell the Dalmatian had run into a burning building to save multiple people and the smoke caused the spots to disappear. Still interested I flipped back to the cover page to see that the picture had been modified to remove the spots and you could see the faint lines where the computer didn't do its job so well. I realized that this magazine was pure lunacy but it would make for a good bathroom read so I added it to the cart.

          I left the department store after twenty five minutes of waiting and knew my schedule was completely crushed. The only good thing about the wait was that I found two additional 'trashy magazines' to bring home for further investigation. As I hurried home my wife called again and asked if I could pick up dinner from the local Chinese restaurant which I thought was a brilliant idea. I was soon greeted warmly by the restaurant owners and we discussed the kids, weather and overall dynamics of how Fission was achieved. As I left the building she yelled at me to stop as I had forgotten my debit card. I was thankful for her quick realization as it would have been a bad time without it.

          My wheels soon hit the driveway leading to the house and I grabbed the department and restaurant bags for the trip inside. The kids, dog and cats all greeted me at the door with excitement and hunger for dinner. I put the food on the table for the family and placed the department bag on the island for excavation later. As always the food was excellent and we made our way into the family room for the evening's main event. I threw the popcorn bag to my wife for the microwave to explode and I fumbled through the 'trashy magazines' looking for the big budget movie. I quickly realized that there was a huge problem as the movie was not in the bag. I dumped the bags on the island and sure enough there was no movie. I darted to the car and tore it apart with no success in locating the movie. I went back in the house and checked my receipt and there was a line item for the movie which made my stomach fall. How in the world could I have misplaced the movie or worse yet forget to get it from the cashier?

          I grabbed the phone and called the number on the receipt and was soon talking to the customer service department. I could tell she was holding back a laugh or two about my ignorance and told me to visit her tonight so I could get another copy of the movie. I bid the family a farewell and drove quickly to the department store with my receipt and humility checked.

          I got to the customer service line and like the checkout lanes was busy with other returns. I waited patiently in line and glanced at my cell phone periodically as the time for watching a movie was slipping away. Thankfully it was not twenty five minutes of waiting but it did take some incredible patience as I had to listen to a couple argue about returning a pack of gum because only one of them liked the flavor. This was only topped when the two of them couldn't decide what pack to exchange it for. That was the frosting on the cake as I gave them each five dollars to leave and never come back.

          My stomach started to knot up as I was called to the desk and I had to reveal my stupidity. I handed the receipt to the young lady and explained my situation. A huge smile came across her face and said that she remembered my earlier call. They had apparently looked in each of the cashier's lanes for the movie as well as the shopping carts in the parking lot. She then called over the supervisor by saying quote, "This is the guy that lost his movie." The supervisor slid into the picture with an even bigger smile on her face and proceeded to inform me of the all hands on deck search that was conducted. After several more humbling minutes she told me to go and get another copy of the movie from the shelf and come back to customer service for processing. I was happy to oblige her request and darted back to the movie section of the department store.

          I grabbed the phone and called the number on the receipt and was soon talking to the customer service department. I could tell she was holding back a laugh or two about my ignorance and told me to visit her tonight so I could get another copy of the movie. I bid the family a farewell and drove quickly to the department store with my receipt and humility checked.

          I got to the customer service line and like the checkout lanes was busy with other returns. I waited patiently in line and glanced at my cell phone periodically as the time for watching a movie was slipping away. Thankfully it was not twenty five minutes of waiting but it did take some incredible patience as I had to listen to a couple argue about returning a pack of gum because only one of them liked the flavor. This was only topped when the two of them couldn't decide what pack to exchange it for. That was the frosting on the cake as I gave them each five dollars to leave and never come back.

          My stomach started to knot up as I was called to the desk and I had to reveal my stupidity. I handed the receipt to the young lady and explained my situation. A huge smile came across her face and said that she remembered my earlier call. They had apparently looked in each of the cashier's lanes for the movie as well as the shopping carts in the parking lot. She then called over the supervisor by saying quote, "This is the guy that lost his movie." The supervisor slid into the picture with an even bigger smile on her face and proceeded to inform me of the all hands on deck search that was conducted. After several more humbling minutes she told me to go and get another copy of the movie from the shelf and come back to customer service for processing. I was happy to oblige her request and darted back to the movie section of the department store.

          I got to the movie section and the display was empty along with every other location. They had sold out of the damn movie and I wasn't sure what to do now. I made my way back to customer service and after they checked their inventory on the computer they agreed no other copies of the movie existed in the store. I started to laugh and shake my head as this had turned into a nightmare. The customer service personal were able to get my money back to my debit card with only one problem. It would take six to eight weeks to see the credit appear in my checking account.

          I sat in my car and thought about where I could go to purchase the movie next and thankfully there was another department store on the way home. I looked at my phone and it was nearing nine at night and this would be my last hope. The store was soon in my crosshairs and through the door I rushed looking for the movie display. It was mere feet from me when I realized that the display was empty. I didn't think my stomach could fall any further but it did at this site. I quickly tracked down an associate and after several minutes of begging they checked inventory on the computer. They were also sold out of the movie. This had to have been the most popular movie in history. I left the store disappointed and since it was after nine I went home.

          My wife laughed at me as I told her the story of my adventure to find the movie. She mentioned that we could watch it on pay per view, but I was determined to find a copy at a department store and ultimately for our collection. She gave up after ten minutes of trying to convince me and went up to bed. The kids and I ended up watching some reality show about turtles running marathons. Despite the cool concept the show was not very good.

          I was up early the next day and went to the third department store with hope and prayers that the movie would be there. I arrived at the store and was relieved to find the movie on the shelf waiting for me. I snatched up a copy and did a bit more grocery shopping for dinner that evening. I watched the cashier place the movie in the bag and I departed the area with a large smile on my face. I waved my receipt at the door watcher and as I moved through the security system it went off. I turned with a look of what now on my face. The door watcher, who must have been one thousand years old, made her way very slowly towards me. As she approached me I wondered how in the world she would keep shoplifters from running out of the store. I did note that she had gym shoes on so perhaps she was faking the old look and could kick my ass without trying.

          I decided to help out and walked three quarters of the distance to meet up with the door watcher. She took my receipt and reviewed all the items in my bag to reveal all was in order. She made a comment about the movie that I missed as I was eager to leave. I thanked her and when I reached the security system it went off again. I turned with the same look of bewilderment and she said to just go as it was probably the movie setting it off. I shrugged my shoulders and obliged her request as the security system finally ceased when I was halfway to my car. I was so happy of my success that I called my wife on the way home and woke her up. Needless to say she was not as happy as I was.

          Saturday evening came and the entire family was excited about the movie as we had finished dinner and the popcorn was fresh and hot waiting on us. My wife made some comment if I had made sure that the movie was in the bag. I laughed at her and said it is in this bag and upon pulling it from its constraints I noticed something strange. It still had the security device attached to the movie which would explain why the security system kept going off. It was apparent that the cashier had not removed the military grade security casing and I was left shaking my head as my wife was laughing uncontrollably.

          I was in the cold garage with a big budget movie and a security casing as difficult to open as any bank vault. I stood there for some time trying to figure out my options and I could only think of two. I could take the movie back to the customer service department for opening or I could remove the packaging. I had no desire to drive to the department store and I figured that with the right tools it wouldn't take long to open. I had just made up my mind when my wife opened the garage door to check on me and that is when she learned of my intention to open it with tools. She shook her head and laughed again at me while mumbling that the pay per view was in order. I of course ignored her and knew that it would only take me a few minutes.

          Twenty five minutes later I was still in the now freezing garage with a pair of wire cutters, flathead screwdriver, hammer, hacksaw blade and industrial scissors. I had managed to remove one corner of the packaging with the hacksaw blade. During the violent cutting I had wanted to drive up to the store so they could remove the case but I figured they would have a fit if they saw the damage I had inflicted. I would have to complete the task by shear will and determination to watch the movie tonight. It probably took another twenty five minutes of tools flying, blades hacking and many curse words to get the movie out of its security case. The good thing was that the movie was not destroyed but the packaging case was not so lucky. I had successfully removed the movie and came running into the house as though I had won an event in the Olympics.

          I put the movie into the player and ate some cold popcorn as the thirty five previews bored us all to tears. We were never so excited to see the start of the movie and after two and a half hours I came to the realization that it was awful. I was so disappointed that I poured myself a strong drink and listened to the disappointment in my family's voices about the movie. I can say the most positive part of the movie other than it ending was having family time with everyone. We still have the movie today but it lives in a plastic baggie somewhere in the closet where it has not seen the light of day since its violent surgery.

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