Comedy Short Stories

Why I Like All-Spice


           I eat it on bacon.

           I consume it on bread.

           I absorb it into my blood stream from under my tongue.

           I drink it with my Metamucil in the mornings.

           I mix it with peanut butter and deep fry it for dinner.

           I sprinkle it in my wintergreen chew.

           I use it to wash my hair in the mornings.

           I use it to help the grass grow in the spring.

           I gave it to the cats because I ran out of cat nip.

           I sold it to a dude on a street corner for a hundred bucks.

           I use it to leave a trail when I transverse mazes.

           I went to the local aquarium and fed the fishes.

           I work with a woman that has body odor and use it under my nose to kill the smell.

           ~ And lastly ~

           I put a ton of All-Spice on the hill in my backyard and went sledding.